Grace at work

I am not a nice person. Oh, those of you who read this blog, where I can filter what I say and what I write about probably think I'm plenty nice. But really I'm not. I am selfish, petty, awkward, and jealous. I read other blogs with heavy traffic and wonder why I'm not more popular. I read Facebook and wonder why other people seem happier and funnier and more well-liked. In real life, I alternate between warm, loving thoughts toward those closest to me and thoughts of excruciating intolerance and impatience.

God's grace in my life is not some nice cherry on top. It is the lifeblood, the necessary antidote to my own self. Some days I am very aware of grace and thankful for it. Too many times, I take it for granted and slip away from it.

Today, I received a list of the names of women (and a few men) on the Walk to Emmaus team I will be serving on this Fall. I was so very thankful for grace in my life that as I looked down the list, I smiled and was thankful for so many dear friends I will be seeing again. I must confess, however, there were a few names I was not quite as excited to see. Ahem. One was the person I'm struggling to forgive (to STAY forgiven, I should say). One is a woman I don't know well at all but she's always rubbed me the wrong way. One is a close, close friend for whom the last sentence in the first paragraph is particularly true. A few attend the church I'm also struggling to forgive and I still feel awkward around them.

May God's grace flow freely in me, replace the bitterness and selfishness that are my temptations, and may I love sacrificially, and forgive completely as I am loved and forgiven by Him.