Prepared

Remember Sunday's mass I wrote about here? I didn't know how to put into words how personal the scriptures and homily were to me. For some unknown reason, I felt like God was speaking to me through the prophet Isaiah's words, in a way to prepare me for something ahead. Normally, this would cause me to worry and wonder what it was waiting around the corner. I only had the faintest thought that perhaps I was being prepared for something difficult. The calm and peace I felt throughout the entire mass stayed with me in an ethereal way. It felt more real to me that what was happening in the "real world", the Super Bowl, the noise I also wrote about.

What I didn't write about was my sleepless night. I couldn't fall asleep and once I did I slept just a few hours before waking and tossing and turning and just lying in bed. Once in awhile I have a night of poor sleep (thankfully not very often). Even more rarely I lie awake in vague anxiety. Sunday night I felt no worry or anxiety, just alertness. I got out of bed at 4:00 a.m. and made coffee at 5:00.

My day went very well. I got an assignment done and prepared the first tax return of the season. I made a run to the grocery for snowstorm supplies. (Not really snow supplies, I needed fresh veggies and office supplies, but everyone else was there for snow supplies.)

After Terry got home my cell phone rang and I noticed it was my stepsister. We've been dealing with some health problems in both my dad and my stepmom and I figured she wanted to talk some more about plans and options. I waited for the voice mail (my cell phone gets terrible service at home and I wanted to call her back on the house phone, I wasn't really avoiding her call) and only then did I say to Terry, "I hope nothing is wrong."

My stepmom is in the hospital and we are going to have to make some decisions about my dad's long term care. It's snowing in St. Louis and I can't drive over there for at least the next 24 hours. I'm feeling a bit helpless and more than a bit awed at God's awesome grace in preparing me for this storm (the emotional one, not the snow). My nephew, God bless him, is staying with Dad tonight. I texted him just now to see how things were and his laid-back reply cheered me tremendously. "We're fine. Just finished dinner."

I should also mention I received three volumes of Wendell Berry's poems for my birthday from my sweet son and I've been on the verge of tears daily reading the heart-breakingly beautiful words. WB puts the issues of growing old and watching those you love grow old into beautiful persective and I am so blessed by it.