On death and dying

My trip to St. Louis was so nice. There was no big crisis or deadline and I stayed two nights so it seemed like a nice long visit. My stepmom gave me two biggg bags of yarn for knitting projects and I started my first hat while there.

Terry's dad is back in the nursing home after a week-long stay in the hospital. Once again the doctors told us he probably wouldn't make it out of the hospital and once again he defied the odds. He is very weak and his hearing seems to have deteriorated greatly overnight. It's hard to visit with him but he appreciates the company so much. I will probably take some knitting and just go sit in his room this afternoon. Thinking of his long decline reminded me of something from Hannah Coulter and the other Wendell Berry Port William books. WB describes a few of the older Members' deaths in various books. In Hannah Coulter, Mrs. Feltner (Hannah's mother-in-law) died in 1969:

Mrs. Feltner lived on for nearly five years after Mr. Feltner died. She was bedfast for about a year at the last. But her mind stayed alert and lively, and from her bedroom windows she kept constant watch on the road and on the driveway going back past the house to the barn. Until she died, everybody had the feeling of being watched over, and we knew we would have to acccount for ourselves...

She wasn't supervising or being nosey. She was one of us still. If we were doing all right, she wanted to be pleased. If we were worried or troubled, she wanted to be worried or troubled with us...As long as she was alive, her house was the focus of the farm, and her bedroom was the focus of the house.

Dying at home is rarely possible these days. Terry's family tried to care for his Dad at home and it lasted only a couple of days. Most families' lives aren't centered on one house like the Feltner's was. The nursing home doesn't depress me, but I feel badly for Terry's dad and all the hours he spends alone, miles from home and his loved ones. I understand WB's insistence that the old ways were better.